You know someone who panics...

Maybe you have noticed a friend or relative who avoids traveling or going 

certain places. Or, you may wish your spouse or partner would get help

for avoiding certain activities. You may have seen friends who are crippled

on the job because they cannot speak up in a group, travel, or fly. You're

probably in the best place to notice these behaviors, even if they haven't

acknowledged their anxiety or panic.

 How can you help?

The help of a friend or family member can be a powerful motivator for someone who suffers from panic. Phobic persons take an average of eight to 11 years to find appropriate help after their first panic attack. Trauma victims with panic wait for their symptoms to disappear and life to return to normal. Those with obsessive worrying and panic get preoccupied in keeping panic away. Many are treated for a physical illness first. Most are easily discouraged from getting help. And, everyone waits much too long for help.

A "safe" person makes us feel immediately more secure and less anxious. This is especially true for persons who panic.  A safe person does this not only by active support, but also by being a calming presence. This person can be a husband or wife, a family member or friend, a trained helper, a professional, a stranger, or even a child.  Partners can help - or undermine - progress, and spouses in particular have the greatest influence. Not surprisingly, there are qualities and traits that make a good partner to someone who panics, and traits that can undermine and sabotage (even unknowingly) a person's recovery.

Case: Mary and Ron were a middle-aged couple whose children had left home. She was ready for good changes after 33 years with a phobic condition. As she was overweight and arthritic, her husband warned her threateningly about her attempts to travel and condemned her attempts to drive alone. He would not let her drive without his supervision. He even belittled her attempts to overcome her chronic illnesses, haranguing her to apply for disability. Mary did not make progress until she practiced alone or with her sister, who could offer positive attitude and much patience. Mary now could make small first steps in spite of her painful knees and poor health. Soon Mary was able to drive to local stores and visit her sister by herself.

*This case is an excerpt from the book Panic Free by Dr. Richard Raynard, Trafford Publishing, 2006, 311 pp

For anyone interested in helping a spouse, friend or family member, I urge you to get solid information on panic and become familiar with the traits and skills which are most helpful.  For more detailed information on partners and helpers, read Chapter 9 entitled Partners: Safety When You Need It in my book Panic Free. The 15 Point Partners Program will be of great benefit to anyone wanting to help someone who panics, and to those who panic in choosing quality helpers.

If your friend has not approached you for help, and you are reading this section because you're concerned for them, consider the following.

It takes initiative and tact

It takes initiative to bring up your concern about your friend clearly and simply, when you have time to talk alone. It takes tact to just listen to his/her difficulties and to hear what solutions he/she may have tried. You give understanding by showing your feelings for him or her and by building on the conversation in a positive way.

They may be reluctant to seek help

Your friend may have misgivings about counseling or medication and has reasons for putting it off.  Blanket reassurances won't work. Instead, encourage him/her to choose a counselor suited to the problem and give it a fair trial.  Your partner may have been suffering so long that he/she feels hopeless and depressed.  It may require tremendous patience and resolve on your part.  If they are particularly difficult to reach, you may want to get specific suggestions from a panic specialist.

Maybe they haven't considered treatment 

In this case, you could feel awkward or conflicted about bringing up counseling or medication at all. Your friend or partner will probably need time to reflect on whether help is needed.  Still, you can show how someone you know has been helped, or you can open the door by sharing printed information, such as my book Panic Free or this website, panicdoctor.com. If he/she wants to talk it over, these suggestions can bring relief. Most find it tremendously reassuring to know that others understand what they are going through.

The first step is hardest

Sometimes being with your friend or relative for the first phone call or going to the first visit together is most helpful. Others would rather cross that bridge themselves. Sometimes having you as their recovery partner is the help they need most. Knowing that you are there to support them and to listen will be a huge support. I hope that this page, and the others in this site help to make the step toward recovery.

 Get help from The Panic Doctor

I'll help you motivate your friend or partner in respect to medication or counseling. I can also train you to be a "practice partner" to help speed up his/her recovery. For years, I've counseled both phobics and their partners. Having an active, supportive partner can help speed progress and recovery. Call me at 505-231-8625, e-mail me using the Contact Request Form, or e-mail me at richard@panicdoctor.com.

To be panic free is a reasonable hope,

no matter how long or severe your attacks have been.